One Year

Tomorrow will mark one whole year since I began my application with the Peace Corps.

The worst part about waiting isn’t… waiting. I don’t mind the time passing. I have more time with the people I love and the people who love me and having a summer off is nice, frankly, after busting my butt for so many years in summer classes and working all the time.

No, the worst part about what I’m doing right now is the overwhelming feeling of stagnation. I really thought my life would be headed somewhere right now, and while I suppose it still is, technically, I feel like I’m moseying down that path instead of running at full force like I intended. I feel like once upon a time I was impressive, now, I’m just another college graduate. Shockingly, no one asks you “Hey, did you happen to finish college early? Or do it while holding down a job?”. Nope, they just nod and say “That’s nice” and ask what you’re doing now.

And now, I’m just … waiting. I’m back at work, which helps with those feelings, but its not some Fortune 500 company paying me a big, fat salary or a household name begging me to share my talents with them. It’s a hotel, that I love, but its the same one I’ve worked at for two years now. I didn’t grow, I didn’t rise above, I didn’t do anything special after graduating. The only thing different now is that I’m not learning anything new in classes or doing cool lab experiments while balancing a work life.

Soon, I’ll pack up all my things and move back in with my parents with no job, apartment, or class schedule to call mine. It will be the least productive time in my life since I was four– when I first began school. I feel like I’m shedding my layers of independence. Once I had a job, but no place to call my own. Then I had a dorm and job, but nothing I paid for. Finally, I paid for most of my things, apartment included, while heading to school. Now I’m managing to reverse all that.

I apologize, blog readers, if this comes off as a giant, whining rant. I of course am lucky to have the opportunities that I have, including having parents that would let me move back in with them. I’ve got a degree that no one can take away from me and by the time I move I’ll have had over a year with my beloved boyfriend, 7 of which we will have been living under the same roof.  I just wanted to commiserate with some of you who may have felt like I feel.

For the past few years I really felt the inertia of my life pushing me forward into adulthood, with the status of things getting progressively more mature and independent until I reached graduation. Now, it seems it all has come to a sort of halt, and it is certainly jarring when it all stops.

Here’s hoping to starting a new adventure soon.

P.S.  A lovely white whine about Peace Corps Journals .com:   For all the people who have gotten an invitation, packed up their biz’ness and moved to another country– you are not an ‘applicant’. For the love of God, change your little flag to another country (I’d vote for the one you currently serve in) because when I go to read other applicant’s blogs, usually to wallow in the woe that is us, your smiling face and ‘Its been three months in ____, here are pictures of all the amazing new adventures I’m having!” makes me dislike you and gives me the blues even more.


6 thoughts on “One Year

  1. Oh shmoo, it’s okay! It’s only summertime! No one is doing anything yet, everyone wants to enjoy their last actual summer. You have plans and you’ve done everything in your power to make them so, and if they don’t work out you even have a backup plan which is more than almost anyone can say. Everyone who knows us personally knows you kicked my ass in school and life already, so you could probably just coast for the next decade and still be better than me, so…there’s that. I love you and am proud of you, and so is everyone else! You are impressive, you are driven, and I have no doubts that in a year we’ll be like, “Haha remember that time when you had free time?” “Barely. :(“, so try to enjoy it now!

  2. I completely know where you are coming from. I graduated about 2 weeks ago and moved back home, and I am already feeling bored and useless. Furthermore, my program was full, so I’m probably won’t leave until January at the earliest. So I’ve got 7 months to fill with no job, few friends at home, no school, or anything. It’s frustrating to have a process that’s been going on for over 9 months stall out, especially when I thought i would be leaving in August for a new country. Just gotta role with the punches, and know we will eventually get there too.

    And I agree on the non-applicants in the applications section – annoys me to no end! When I want to read peoples blogs in country, I’ll go to that country!

    • I’m in the same boat as well girls.
      What were your dates in the app timeline?
      I’m suppose to talk with a placement assistant soon, I don’t know if I’m in this whole “getting moved back to the New Year” group of nominated applicants

      • My application started right about a year ago, my medical packet was done by December and I finally got dentally/legally cleared in March, I believe. Then, they made me jump through some hoops for more applicable volunteer hours and I had that out of the way by May. Its rough to see people who applied month after me being sent off this month. I feel like I held up my end of the bargain, but maybe the PC isn’t.

  3. Life is a long road and contemplation time and rest are important and necessary parts of it. Enjoy your summer. There will be lots of years to race.

  4. Wow! I’ve been reading blogs and the Peace Corps Journals since I was nominated for the Peace Corps, and I know exactly where you’re coming from! Your frustrations are very similar to mine, and I now dread going to church on Sunday, getting the same questions over and over, and answering the same “I’m at home and waiting to hear back from the Peace Corps”. Of course, you know how I feel! Though I have a job, I too, feel that I was on the “fast track” of success, and now I’m just idly wandering around, waiting for things to happen. Also, I agree with your statement about those PCVs would have already been in their countries for a few weeks/months. If I were to receive an invitation, I’m not sure how much I would contribute to the journals. Maybe it’s because I feel that people are not genuinely interested in my life story since they have their own. Though, I enjoyed reading your blog, particularly because of the ranting, and it seems that we both share so much excitement for years of service. I wish you luck wherever you go!

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