Fiancé Application

Now looking for a fiancé here is sunny Cameroon! Fiancé must be able to be in at least two but up to every location at once. Fiancé will be able expected to help to defend me from men who want to marry for any/all of the follow reasons:

-I’m white
-I “walk like an African”

-He and I will make “strong children” together (and excellent understand of genetics, but still not what I’m looking for)

-I got a purdy mouth

-He thinks I’m rich

-I have “child bearing hips”

-He thinks I look like his African Queen

-I’m riding in the same taxi as him

-He only has one wife so far

-He has a gross misinterpretation of what development work entails.

Don’t worry about fancy jewels or pricey engagement rings. I have conveniently provided a simple silver band worn on the right ring-finger to save us both hours of hassle and hundreds of hard-earned dollars. All I ask of you is should you be within 200 feet of me and a weirdo approaches, kindly appear by my side instantaneously (extra points if you can convince other you’re magical. They’ll never bother me again!) Where you actually live is not an issue, seeing as I am happy to lie to any and all Cameroonians and claim that you are whatever foreigner is closest. Past “fiancé” locales include America, Yaounde, Garoua, Bamenda, and Buea, so don’t let a little distance stop ya!

As my fiancé you’ll enjoy a smattering of faux job titles with practically no limits to what you can do! Sometimes you’re a fire fighter, other time you’re a fellow Peace Corps Volunteer. You’ve been a Doctor without Borders and an important international banker. You’ve been a Marine at the U.S. Embassy and a simple carpenter. You, sir, are a jack of all trades in the truest form.

Payment includes dinners and the occasionally beer. Don’t get greedy. You’ll be graced with my presence (or not, if I just decide to make you up on a whim) and according to Cameroonians, I’m kind of a babe.

If you’re interested in pretending like we’re tooooootally getting married, send name and number to my email. Credentials don’t really matter, but what the hell, it couldn’t hurt and I’m nosy. We should probably know each others favorite colors too, just in case they decided to grill us.


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